Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i out mim tonsoeep
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
