Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
