just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
