It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize