I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
