Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
