i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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