Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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