If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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