Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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