My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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