My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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