And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
