i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
