glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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