come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
