she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
