You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
