Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
