I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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