thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
