Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
