What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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