Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
