where am i from again
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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