I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
