What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
