we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
