there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
