just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize