I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize