He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
