Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
