She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
