So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
