I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
