I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
