There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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