He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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