im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
