you would pick up someone in the library
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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