Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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