I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
