Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
