You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
