I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
