So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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