I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
