dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
