I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
