I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
