thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
