You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
