Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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