What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
