a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
