Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
