did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
