i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
