woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
