i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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