Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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