No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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