that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
