i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
