dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
