How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
