Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Welp...herpes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize