there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
