It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
