And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
