I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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