his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
