i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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