He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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