Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
