im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
