Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
