then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How external is "for external use only"?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
