"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
