The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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