Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
