dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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