I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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