when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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