WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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