She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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