3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
