U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
