I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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