I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
