i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
