the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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