Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
