Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
