oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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