It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize