i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
