I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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