Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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