i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
