I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
