why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
